Figuring out life...slowly.

I feel life is either a grand adventure or a never-ending tunnel of doom. I am trying to find a middle. Somewhere.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Crazy March

March has been insane! It is certainly blowing in like a lion-wait, isn't it suppose to blow in like a lamb and out like a lion> Ah, fuck it. Forgot that metaphor. Anyway, it's hectic. Insane in the membrane. Roller-coaster.

I applied for a job in Dubai. I did so for lots of reasons: travel, money, money, travel, get the hell out of dodge, travel, get away from family, money, dead-end relationship, money. See, lots. I expected to not really get a response. Wrong. I had a response in two days and now have the final interview on Wednesday. Wow. Totally not expecting that at all.

I expected my sister to tell me I was going to be sold into white slavery. Wrong. I expected my father to say, "Whoa, girl slow down!" Wrong. I expected my mom to be excited. Right. I expected The Boyfriend to do...something. Wrong.

Regardless of my expectations of the people around me, I doubt they expected me to apply to Dubai. People around me, though, know I was thinking about it. I have always wanted to teach abroad. I just had no idea the position would avail itself so fast and so quickly.

I have no clue what I am going to do. I wish I did. But I don't. I can't stay for the people around me. If I did, I am putting expectations upon them. I am expecting them to take care of my needs and fill my voids. I have been on this Earth for thirty-four years and 9 months and no one has ever done it. No one will EVER fill it because I have to do it. I have to be responsible for MY future, MY voids, MY desires. The baggage has to go. My hand is slowly releasing the handle but, man, I love this baggage.

Will I go?
Will I stay?

Fuck if I know but the journey is part of the challenge. Life should never be complacent. Complacency is for the lazy. I am going to challenge myself and live for myself. I don't where the journey will lead. But, I'll let you know when I find out.

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